Becoming a dad, a journey like no other

I have so much respect and love for my mom and dad, and have always felt excited (and nervous) to instil the same feelings in a child of my own one day. I had no idea how many feelings, all different types, I was going to experience in such a short period of my life. Happiness and joy of knowing I was going to become a father, and watching Anita’s belly grow week by week; fear and anxiety upon learning of Mateo’s heart disease when he was still in the womb; wonder and awe the moment he was born and we got to kiss him for the first time; terror and isolation when I was sitting alone outside the operating room waiting to know if the surgery to remove cartilage that was blocking 80% of Mateo’s airway was successful, when he was just 2 days old (Anita was still confined to a hospital bed because of the emergency C-section); overwhelming relief and joy when Mateo made it through with a strength and resilience that defies logic; numb disbelief and denial that he would need to survive many more surgeries before this part of his journey was over (currently 11 surgeries in 13 months).

The next 9 months were without question the longest and most challenging of my life - but yet also a time that I wouldn’t trade for anything because through all the pain we saw Mateo’s first smile, gave him his first bath, sang him his first song, heard his first laugh, and so, so much more!

I remember a conversation Anita and I had about 1 year ago, when Mateo was in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). Anita asked me how I was feeling, and I replied “I’m not sure, all I know is that I don’t work anymore”. Our life had changed so drastically it was hard to wrap our heads around and regular routines like going to work, grocery shopping, and planning for the weekend were erased from our schedules - it was already disorienting but we had only just started our journey and Mateo would turn 1 year old before I would go back to work.

So now, when I say that going back to work was a huge milestone, I hope you can understand a bit better what that really means: Mateo had conquered his challenges and grown strong enough for us to take him home; our incredible families received Tracheostomy training at SickKids to help us whenever we needed them; Mateo flourished at home better than we had dared to dream; we hired full-time help at home (our favourite ECE Zac) who also received training at SickKids; and I was finally comfortable (though still rather nervous) to go back to work.

I am blessed to say that my work was very supportive, right from the very first diagnosis, and hardly one month since I’ve been back my office is participating in the SickKids ‘Get loud!’ campaign. Please consider contributing to a great cause GET LOUD FOR SICKKIDS.

Kyle VanderMeer - Loving Dad

To help Mateo along his journey go to:https://www.gofundme.com/f/hakuna-mateo